i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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