Having a random hookup so left but love u
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
