Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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