i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
