So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
