He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My liver just had a heart attack.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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