Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
