I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
