I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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