You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
