You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
