is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
