Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
