oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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