my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
