Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
