Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize