Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
