life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
