Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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