the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
