no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
