i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
