Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
