I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
