I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
