My sheets look like a crime scene.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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