i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I still have a little drunk in my system
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
