she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
