new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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