I am puke
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize