I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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