I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
