she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
