i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
