So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
