god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
be right there i have to get my cape
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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