the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
