we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
