watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
