Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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