It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
