So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My feet surprised me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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