If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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