he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
and you fell through a lawn chair
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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