I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
