Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
