My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
