Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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