Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
