I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
