Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
