Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
