If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize