at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
