cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
