What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
