Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Apparently you make a good broom.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
