pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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