Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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