My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize