i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
even my farts smell like vagina
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
