I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize