i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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