I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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