I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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