he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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