Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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