In the future we'll all be gay
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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