Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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